Coffee

2004-12-05T16:15:00.000+08:00

My 10 km experience

been extremely long since i last blogged. er ..i dunno why.. anyways, will not update on how jay chou's concert went about coes apparently, they won't be many pple interested to read abt it n i'm more enthu abt updating the nxt big thing now. yeah, today's some memorable occasion tt's def worth blogging about! The Standard Chartered Marathon!!! Hell Yeahh :::

First to start with; i woke up at 6am.. all ready to go by 6.10am. were(me n my bro) damn lucky that we managed to hail an empty cab without waiting long. the marathon was 'zhun zhun' abt to start when we arrived. left our bags for safe-keeping n 'chiong' all the way to the starting arena. then i was like "ROARING" in my mind, all ready to take off anytime when we reached thr. then smth demoralising startled me as i was boosting my mentality. standing there, i was reading my situation and the nxt thing u know, my eyeballs almost gouged out, nose started bleeding n kept squeezing into the crowd. yeah.. some sweet cheerleading chio bus' were thr but that didn't explained my frazzled style n distracted behaviour.DAMN, we were among the last few runners getting positioned.(tat sux-___-) the majority of the contestants were all lined up before the start line and we were yeah.. so backyard..

anyways, before the race was flagged off to go i noticed quite alot of funny pple. one of em was a mid-aged auntie that was right in front of me. she was piggybacking an item that looked like some kindergarden schoolbag. lol.. i was like "Is she gonna run with all these" uh.. and i was thinking if she had put weights into her item so she cud run n train her shoulder muscles at the same tme..lol i try to be positive. anyways, it was real dumb to bring unnecessary stuffs along for a marathon. i wonder how she's gonna run with it.. then it was a guy no.2. he was an ang moh. i just happened to notice him while trying to recognise my surroundings.no shoes!!! lol.. that's the smartest thing to do on a marathon too. maybe he wanted to train his both feet to be heat-resistence but then again, it's real stupid decision. haha.. some mad guy.

then the race commenced with the commentator giving the go. i was then waiting for the unbelievably long queue of pple to move and all rdy to chiong n die later. sounds glorious. mmm.. didnt notice anyth shocking during the run probably coes i was too focused then. yeah.. i rmb now. halfway thr the marathon, there was the drinks collection station consisting of.. i think 5 members. they were all trying feverishly to uncap the mineral bottles n pass it over to us. tt's not the end of the story. not far frm the station was supposingly a bottle collector and you know.. he's out to cater dump-into-my-gabbage services to a few thousand runners, somehow u'll think that he's not gonna catch all the bottles. lol.. here's the funny part. there was this chi guy running ahead of me n i dunno wuts he thinking. i think he spotted that poor bottle collector and he simply threw his bottle at him but missed him. lol.. it was stupid. poor guy..

anyways, when almost towards the end of the marathon, there was a bunch of cheerleading gals pushing u to get over n done with it with their motivational cheers. they were kinda irritating n not helpful in their masses but oh wells, they did provided some temporary distraction after all. haha.

1 km....................
when i saw the sign board stating 1 more km left.. i felt the world crashing on me. it was siao.. i didn't even possess the strength to flex my arms by then.. not to mention continuing with the momentum for 1 more 1km. i stopped. for ard 6 sec.. i felt breathless n apparently, the tiny break didn't help n i tried jogging. it was terrible with sores n being in a state of breathlessness.. but i had to thank my toe sores for a reason. pain. it gave me pain but the feeling of trying to grasp in as much air as possible was far worse. it left me with no choice. so i kept aggravating my condition by using my toes to rub against the injured ones so i cud feel pain--->numbness. but it really helped as a form of distraction except there're serious consquences to pay for doing so. ur toes will be pretty numb to move and very painful after the marathon. i'm one stupid living example..

after the killer run , we headed to raffles place for breakfast. probably my first time i went to a shopping centre so early. was 9.30am i think. as expected, there were many runners loittering ard too. after breakfast headed straight home liao coes we were real tired then..

2004-11-19T01:46:00.000+08:00

Dreams Of Desire

working is a sad, torturous, painful and depressing experience.(anymore chim or normal adj to describe torment?) i've been skipping meals ever since i worked there. look into my pockets n you'd probably find lots of coffeetips coins and leftover notes frm eating cheap food. it's my natural to be thrifty unless it's smth i desire.. : : : : THE ADID RUN SHOES!!! : : : Tremble the horde!!! YEAH I'M SAVING FOR THAT ONE! THT ONE LAh cow!!! (warning: over-excited=mental unstability= mentally introvert) thats why i say working can be such a sad, torturous.. blah blah experience. i still can't get my hands on that adid running shoes =.= sad to say la.. but i bo rue. damnit lah..gotta save harder from now on.. grrwl. that bloody adid's mine. all mine. btw, i went into a salomon's store for the first time. the shoes there are all damn good-looking but no reliability i guess. probably coes it's smth new. nvm.... still sticking with adid...

28 bucks away. still a dream of a desire. adios... off to watch naruto...

2004-11-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

All Walks Of Life.

met a skatebder ytd and had a chat with a businessman today. yeah, i've secured the best job in the world. a financial consultant. As if. skatebders don need advices. they just bang their head n die. lyk me? anyways, i've been working for the past few days alrdy. and hell, i'm not despo 4 money or anyth. i'm just forced. forced to work. to put it nicely, it's called free family-servicing. or otherwise: forced slavery. work 3 times a week with a sweet pay of 10 bucks a day. was i complaining the pay of 3.5 in Mac was too low few weeks back? well, looks like i've clinched a 'better' deal.

btw, 3 working days a week also means

- that sux
- 3 alternate days of freedom/torment
- 30 hrs of getting my ass warmed up a week
- less t ime for skatebding/playing pool
- more t ime to cultivate the art of boredom
- getting (estimated)8 bucks richer aftr each working day
- generate more hatred towards arcade gaming
- more likely chance i can be hired as tour guide of suntec
- more temptations to buy that adid track shoes (so close yet so far..)
- more likely to irritate the adid sales pple by browsing but not buying always
- most probably i'd eat the same hawkr food twice
- like time going online/studying (ok.. like i ever do)
- i'd be dumb n try complete that race mission again
- i'd need a psychiatrist's treatment soon
- i'm busted. yours truly.

i don sense freedom coming ever.. but it's all a bitter yet enriching experience at the end of the day i guess. trying to positive......

anyways, got Cgss band concert later on at vic hall. haha yeah, i'm going....but obviously for a decent reason. ciao.

2004-11-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

'i dread to think wut will become of me if i can't survive tomorrow.' ok, that was yesterday. i'm still alive after all. ytd was like life n death man. got surges of headaches after the crash. i thought my end was coming. tumour, brain cancer, blood cancer n liver failure all came to me as possibilities of my headaches. thank god i'm alive. it came to me that if i could ever make it till today, i wud register for the standard chartered run. how stupidnweird right? anyways, i'm feeling way better now but still under observ. imagine i was still telling myself i can't die so young ytd. i still have a long way to go experience life. that all, made me realise how important one's life can be. i think i'd never understand it if not for that close-shave call. don neglect yr health!

i yearn going out, jogging with morning creatures, eating pizza , gg out skatebding n talking to you. when can i stop taking my bitter medications..a rrgh.

2004-11-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

haven't really had the time to blog coes i was mostly away dozing off at one corner or out skate-boarding.
anyways, i kinda miss obs n my WATCH livingston now.
during the mid of the course i was still abit homesick and miss good food but now,
it seems,
i wud rather have the everyday's biscuits there and live side by side the jungle again.
it's weird.
the most memorable stuffs i brought back were kayaking and overcoming the piled vertical logs. kayaking was crazy. we actually kayak for 7/1/2hrs on the open sea. i can't believe it but we definitely made it. it was a hella feel of accomplishment esp when u saw the shore coming n u know yr that bit away to pull thr. of course during the process, thr were bitter n worth-smiling memories. to start with the bitter, i'm really damn glad baranee was not my permanent kayak partner. shan't elaborate more.. trying to keep minimum discrimination n racisim here. but in any case, it was definitely not an easy time getting baranee to keep paddling. gotta keep encouraging, encouraging n encouraging. in any case, i must say a job well done baranee.

Then it was the climbing of the vertical logs. i was happy in all that we cud conquer the logs after much attempts. it was all teamwork n teamwork. i couldn't have done it without Li my partner, Li Fang. heh.

btw, our instructors were Elgene and Selamat. they are quite nice people but beware, if anyth cropped up, they usually won't interfere. but tt's wut obs is all about right? those who may get em as yr instructors next year, just don be late in whatever you do. it'll help alot.

during the 5 days 4 nights, the meaning behind 'one for all, all for one' is pretty obvious. coes everyth u do, it may well affect yr team be it is gd or bad. so guys, think twice.

over rall, the course was a fun and tiring one. now i know wut louis meant by it cud be 5 days of torture or 5 days of fun. every min of it was fun even picking up rubbish. i must admit seldom do i really go all out to commit myself into doing community wk but obs was all a gd experience to help rectify my weakness. it gave me a sense of fulfillment whenever i get myself involved in smth that benefits the environment or whatsoever.
i know becoes i was nearly a victim of my own doings.

thou it was a mere 5 days, thx for the valuable lessons taught. we all have the potential to self-discover the better side of us and mould ourselves into better persons.
bye obs.
may we meet again.

2004-10-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

i forgot to add: gd job team for claiming the best IT web design of the yr. thumbs up- : )

2004-10-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

The Strength that keeps me going

2 full days left to obs. yeah, i'm rather excited. went all the way to lavender to get a haversack and some othr obs equipments. saw alot of familiar faces. lazy to list who lah. i was there touring over 7 bag stores and i must say i'm damn glad dat i've got a pretty reasonable bargain for one 55 litres haversack. its bloody big. haha that item was on clearance. yeah, got it for 38 bucks. doug got his for 100. wahaha. but doug's a hard-core mountain-climber, i'm not. so it's ok lah.
can't wait anymore. i want to go obs now.
we spotted this mr bean's teddy bear and found it retardedly attractive esp when u make it nod it's head. the smile on it's face is really stupid. i guess only stupid people buy stupid stuff? and so, i bought 2 of it not without a reason.

i'm at a loss for words whenever thr's no reply. are u of existence anymore? i just wnted to say a farewell to u eventually. ~~can't i even do that? sigh~~

2004-10-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

a GLIMPSE Of hope.

got back my eng paper today
it's pretty ok.
quite surprised i did better than chi
but i'm rather disappointed.
coes
obviously,
it's not rly that i've made any drastic progress for dat sub
but rather, it seems that i have under-performed
for my best sub's paper2.
only my compo n letter cn salvage my situation nw.

how shud my appeal begin with? with salutation like "Dear Demonic Principal?" damn, hopefully i'm gonna write one. if i get promoted, it wud be obvious(failed XX) why but i'd still love my mother sub more even if it was eng which saved the day eventually.

3 more days to obs n still counting. haven't bought the necessary stuff yet. shit. shit. shit.

2004-10-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

Self-Reflection

this is pathetic.
wuts left?
start preparing an appeal alrdy
maybe.
the core of an apple is hard
like i said
my frds got hit with baked cores
i was dead with raw ones
ain't juicy but
rather corny.
yes, i've did it again.
tie my throat on a rotor blade
n turn it ard.
i've no courage to carry it out myself
but if i do,
if i do rise up
i will
work hard like i used to be in sec2.
give me that 1 last chance
i'll be forever grateful.

strum strum strum.. vent vent vent

2004-10-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

i overslept today. woke up at ard 9.40 to realise that i had 45 mins to rush over to shaw hse. just the bus time would take 30 min but i somehow managed to reach thr in time. police story is way cool and hell bloody. seldom do i see all the gd guys die in one scenario. i believe it's a huge change of mindset that not all the goodies always survive right? it was really devastating at one point and damn gruesome esp the part whereby the cops were crucified n dropped flat like eggs. and jackie was superb yet again. u simply can't expect any simpler less thrilled moves frm him. sometimes i just wonder will he ever get old. other cast like nic tse was kinda cool too. he played this rather cool and funny guy in the movie. Overall movie rating 5 stars.

After theatres, we went to taka and the gals bought pat some gifts on her house-warming party. Then we went over to her hse for barbecue. i must say that was by far, the most organised barbecue i ever had. anyways, we were playing this number guessing game at pat's hse. i've no idea if my senses were good or wutever, i guessed the correct num. the most no. of times. arrgh then it was forfeit as expected. firstly, they suggested i jump into the hot spa and do 20 push-ups. i was like oh shit i nvr brought xtra pants n shirt. then i negiotiated n they actually demanded that i piggy-backed her? i was like straight no. haha then they made some grossy unidentified substance frm a diff mixture of sauces n wanted me to drink half of the bowl? at first i was " ow damn..u gotta be kididng." on second thoughts, i decided to follow suit coes the sauce looked tomato sauce-alike afterall. it wasn't too bad actually only that they added tartar sauce which was utterly gross. blah.. hated it. i was just deemed suay la esp when jon was just 1 card away to share the same fate as me. ARRGH.. that blessed bd boy. after my wonderful performance which the gals totally grossed at coes i was pretending to suay the sauce at em(lol), we went straight down for barbecue. as usual, the guys weren't exempted frm the pits. poor us. but they didn't force u la. we were rather auto. and i was doing the satays while jon and clement were in charge of the chics n sausages. i never had the chance to taste the sausage! was too busy torturing the skins of the chic satays then. but i had 2 plates of fried rice. dunno who cooked it but guess it was kinda nice.

throughout the barbecue, the gals were trying to pull me and xy together. i was like "WTH, i don even like her." and jin tze was like pestering me none-stop n trying to put us in the same pic at every ounce of gesture or contact xy had with me. i emphasis again. we're just normal, gd friends. tt's all. -__- wth. dun drag us into the same pic again. i don like her

the bbq only lasted 45 min coes by then, we had more or less cooked n finished all the food alrdy. my face and shirt weren't screwed as bad as the last time after all. soon we were celebrating jon's bd at pat's hse. jon was actually taken in by them lol. their acting was kinda fake.. haha esp the part whereby the gals were faulting the lights n closed it so they cud create a 'dark bd atmosphere' n bring out the cake. happy bd pal. :) tt's abt all n i soon left in a hurry. i did have time to taste the cake after all. haha

gonna practise on my guit nw. maybe she will be happier that way.

2004-10-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

been ages since i last updated on my world of thoughts book. it feels empty. the reason behind my absence was needless to say, due to exams la. now it's over, i've just as guessed wut i need to do during the hol. 24/7 skatebding, learn my guitar right and rotting on forced slavery(full day of work with no pay? imagine.) i was so dumb to actually buy a right-handed acoustic even though i was a left-handy.,/font> but tt's how determined i'm to learn it right.

just got home frm skatebding with frds. a day of ultimate fun n exhaustion that i cud nvr taste during exams period. ELEMENT---------- luving it. yeah, i hear the song chanting with its beats, " GO ON. fail fail.." goes on. i must be screwed in my head. arrgh. hey, its first time i'm so damn confident of flunking my exams inside out wut, wuts wrong? that explains. i'm not trying to be superman to fly with aeroplanes, but i really flunked it. totally. still can't get over the SS exam that i didn't even bothered to mug on. painful regrets.. won't elaborate more abt it anymore. nth interesting to discuss abt flunked exams. it's pointless anyways.

"someday, if i was given the life to move on, i'll grab to the skies and face live bravely n dilligently." i want to be promoted. i promise to be more hardwking than i was, in sec3. alot more definitely. for now, i'll just relax n eat my day off till the battle arrives one day.

oh damn, obs is just a week away. haven't bought the necessary stuffs. shit. gotta get it real soon. arrgh.. haven't do my IC too. appointment was due 2 wks back but i didn't go and register. gotta do it someday too so many things to do yet so little time. arrgh

i've no idea. but we seem to be distancing.

2004-10-11T18:45:00.000+08:00
4 more days to go. it seems endless. cling on. though it doesn't make a difference anymore alrdy, just hold on dude. shall just summarise my exams briefly.firstly, i can't believe i didn't study for SS exam like completely. Chemistry just read through. Physic revised till 3++. at this rate i'm going with this inconsistency, i'm sure doomed for. i'll give it another shot for tml's exams. i'm gonna kill u maths.. kill u by 3am. After all the trials n tribulations i went thr in the past few days, it was most regrettable not revising for an exam. my worst decision in life i admit. i'll learn to be more serious in my work in future. more serious attitute frm me. no more fooling ard. it's time to get out of this shell n be more matured n not always thnk i cn easily ride thr every obstacle wif my first attempt. wuts so difficult spending 7 days of quiet torture when u have 300 over days of freedom. there's nth to complain. i was dumb. 4 days. i'll push myself thr it.

those who finished their exams alrdy, have fun celebrating yr fruits. :) 4 more days.

2004-10-06T21:28:00.000+08:00
finished phy tuition 15 min ago. still gonna need to make lots of notes but more or less i've got all the equations in my mind. dats considerable improvement within 1 day. wahahah. dats not self-praising right? anyways, i KNOW I CAN DO IT. GONNA PASS PHY. THIS TIME. FOR SURE. dot . but not without more concerted effort later la. i estimated to complete revn by latest 3 am. I CAN DO IT BEFORE THAT. hang on man. go on. heal the world michael jackson. make it a better place each tym. over n over again. wait man. wth i'm not making sense. anyways, gonna continue with mugging. bye.
gl for yr exams people esp her. hope she can score for her chinese. : )

2004-10-04T17:43:00.000+08:00
Better days?

There were several occasions when i brought my hp along, to skool
knew her recess tym and wanted to msg her
but i somehow knew she won't reply back anyways
so i gave up the thought
i just don understand
it's sad.
i'm not lacking of the courage or anyth
somehow i just felt she'd be happier that way
without my msgs and all that
i dont know
i'm confused.
fustrated over wut to do next;
it doesn't matter if i don msg her
as long as she's happy
i can maintain that distance of silence
but i'll still say the same
i'll never cease to wait for her reply.

2004-10-03T20:08:00.000+08:00
Who am i?

Mug. mug. mug. it never gets off my daily to-dos'. two words. i'm SICK. all the tests preparation n exams revision. stop. will there be an end? SMACK. 14th Oct. yr right. u know hell whens the real that? 15th OCt. 12 more days to be exact. it's killing me. i can't start revision when i started revising. i can't stop mingling with distractions every elsewhere when i start craving for freedom. i don't even know wut i want now. i'm digging lost. and there's so much to say yet i don feel the addiction to blog again. why am i doing this again..

[Thinking of Her]
-jumps into Bermuda triangle-

2004-09-26T10:16:00.000+08:00
Exams fever. thats why i'm skatebding doubly much these days as much as 24/7. wuts a life without worries of tomorrow, stress, panicks of time shortage n brimmed with love. paradise, i can only say that is; a perfect fairy-tale story with normally, sweet endings. how i yearn for the non-existence of reality and so i don need to avoid any freaken studying thing like exactly wut i'm tryin to do nw. such as to wake up in the wees of 7. skatebd. jog. swim. studies don't seem to be in my schedule anymore. sometimes i just wish time will stop for us. just this once i ask for. a time-transporter will do too. i need time to realise n do wut i think is needed to be accomplished. it can be as simple as watching a movie. i do have time for it but fears of exams always bind my mood at home. just like i always felt the need to skatebd, n i did 24/7 but it's never really enjoyable. same goes to catching a dumb movie, u don go for a super-romance type of movie when yr all game for an action-type one. i know wuts enjoyment like without time. i'm experiencing it now. a steak without its garnishes n flavourings cn nvr be succulent hell. i'm running out of options n just be frank, i don like either-ors'. coes usually, either way is doom-case. i need time badly.

2004-09-18T21:04:00.000+08:00
Haven't been blogging much. yes, ain't have no time + blog-rejection mood. all the heated-up revision totally wreaked my mood these days. but today's diff,(hella YYH) coes it's just different for a special reason.(Hella YYH) my BD(WOOHOO CLAP MAN) > and that also means i'm officially stated kicked out frm the category of privilleges and benefits of a 14yr old. damn sad.. so thr's nothing to be so enthusiastic abt actually, but neways, thx for all the presents and of course, the choco cake.(tasted pretty right, er..was good la =))Wait.(i'm not finished yet) lastly, thx to all who wished me a happy-bd with their sincere blessings too. tc. going- off skateboarding now. cya and enjoy the weekend. still suffering frm blog-rejection here. :(

2004-09-18T12:56:00.000+08:00
i was quick to add: double thx for the sponsering the skate-deck guys. WE BELONG TO THE ELEMENT TEAM BRO.(HELL YEAH)

2004-09-08T14:04:00.000+08:00
Ashen Faces

Call me dumb. Render me useless. whatever. i'm just plain pathetic la. the resurgence of aimlessness is killing me like choking poison. the slow torturous way. (uh..)i'm dying. arrrgh. i just can't seem to get rid of the aimless addiction. i've wasted too much precious time on excessive towning, sleeping n gg online. i thought the holidays are gonna change my life for the better, HOWEVER, it isn't getting any better yet, but worser. i can't even begin reading up revision notes let alone a wordy phy txtbk or a encyclopedia full of chem words. the concentration just wears off instantly the moment i try n read those stupid words. n distractions nvr fail to get the better of me. even my hard-playing classmates are changing the stupid table menu nw. they're deprived of freedom, frequently marked 'busy' in MSN, it's just driving the sanity in me each time i hear their tired voices as if they needed steriods to pump.. work hard work harder. imagine such hectic lives during the holidays where they're restricted to 9 hrs of stress, fustration and out-going temptations. i'd have counted myself lucky at that particular point. and it's anywhere else that i'd get the same advice. WORK HARD. STUDY HARD. GO FOR IT. c'mon, i've tried already, from scheduling time-slots to locking myself frm outside distractions, it just ain't working out the way i want it to be. screw u exams for causing all that. but wuts the use of blabbering nw, it ain't gonna help. sigh. just sit down calmly will i? go re-examine my past efforts which is clearly insufficient. start working. hopefully, things will be sorted out accordingly.

'There were a thousand places i'd have rather been, but i'm here, alone by myself, and the rest of the world seemed distant.'

2004-09-06T22:58:00.000+08:00
Tell Me The Answer

Decided to blog out of 'sianess'. it's really sad boring. yes,bored-ringg is the word. 2 more mths to go before finals arrive and threaten to banish me to hell. the fear of dropping the subs cn be painful. torturous. night-mareful(my own vocab) and suicidal to ME O_O basically, it'll JUST BE UNIMAGINABLE. i can't lose my last STAND. and though i've made a solemn vow to work hard, but my efforts put in always give me away, sadly. i know it's not sufficient. anyways, i won't be staggered if i was to receive a highlighted report card again.

my pathetic phy aver. screwed my PPR inside out. so obviously highlighted -.- i failed laa. n that also shows i haven't been working hard enuff la. sigh. i just don find the motivation to work towards it anymore. there's just this element thats lacking, but i just don seem to know the ans to wuts gg on? or rather the constant tiredness dats bringing me down?? i've have no idea. i'm no great shakes as a thinker but sitting down quietly by myself shd be able to get me thinking normally as a normal IQ guy n maybe knock some shit sense into me. but to think of it, i've been sitting down for the past 20 min staring at empty space alrdy. it's weird. nth logical seems to be coming out. uh..

btw, i just taken up pool. yeah.. 9 ball just roxx my -censored-.

2004-08-30T22:26:00.000+08:00
i can assure you this is among the greatest choiristic music of all time. just listen. indulge yr soul into it. you'll hear it's a string of beautiful voices, singing as one. undeniably beautiful. so melodious i actually think i needed to track it down myself. and did i unknowingly realised dat choiristic music is my type too?? lol, i'm rather surprised myself.

btw, all credits go to vjc choir. and as commented on some1's site, it's just irresistably nice.

PS: the song is not avaliable now.

2004-08-25T20:22:00.000+08:00
sick.
sick.
sick.
i don see the point of blogging events of my life anymore. shit happens and now, it just seems that i've lost that once enthusiasm in recording meaningless stuff revolving ard me again. i need a break. the frequent occurance of unexplained things and out of the blue, i find myself not able to accept the sudden changes. i need time to realise. probably time to get out of the childish thinking of mine and start thinking more maturely. perhaps, it's my keen desire too, that wants to keep a closer touch with my family and my skool activities, have contributed to my decision, to stop blogging anyway. u guys can finally get a stop from my constant blabbering of how the world makes life unfair(or whichever way rd). no more sad recounts pple would preferably not read. it would be great n i don have to constantly remind myself of my wrongdoings by writing down a full list of embarrassments. unless it's something memorable worth my time writing or should i consider myself sane enough to continue on with my endless complaints, otherwise it'll most probably be left as it is. empty.
bye unfair world.

2004-08-21T23:08:00.000+08:00
today, was our last journey(9am)with her before she could continue her reassuring flights of stairs left to heaven. the start of all happiness. with no more pain and worries. enjoy your life up there ok, nima? don always think for others, it's time you think fer yrself and enjoy yr second phrase of life in a better haven. don disappoint everyone's wishes alright? though you have left us physically, but spiritually, i know you'll never leave us.

Here's a poem i find it rather meaningful.

Know you what it is to be a child?

...it is to be so little

that the elves can reach to whisper in your ear,

it is to turn pumpkins into coaches, and mice into horses,

lowness into loftiness, and nothing into everything,

for each child has its fairy godmother in its soul.

my fairy godmother, nima.

2004-08-17T17:31:00.000+08:00
it's because my auntie that brought me closer to life.my own. more importantly, it taught me tolove. cherish your dear ones. as Voltaire had once said, "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us." however true it may be, it's always easy to be said but never easy to be done. she's afterall a mother to me once. the memories.. once sweet yet painful to recall now.. mourning forever will never get one back sadly. life is unfair.but at least there's nothing in this world so sweet as love, love she showered me as a child, will ever let hatred overtake me as a result of injustice. i want no hatred, for it brings only endless misery. i'd rather love. with my heart and mind, i'll move on with my last destination forgotten. the meaningless time i have spent idling online seems regretting now. i'lll spend time on something more useful and constructive instead. i know i can do it if not for the matter of time to forget and getting courage drawn. i'll try to make the most out of it. i won't find studying a hassle for it's inevitable, parts and parcels of life. i'll learn to adapt. it'll be an exhausting journey, but i'll meet each day's challenges of life with glee and lead a life of goodness, remembrance and love. i'll be strong like her.

and i'll grow never cease to forget what you left behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. for that and everything, i pray for eternal peace and happiness in your soul. rest in peace. and may i thank you for letting me realise that the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched...but are felt in the heart.

2004-08-14T00:06:00.000+08:00
i was just learning to walk. the shadowy image of a person looking over me. picking me up whenever i fell. i knew it was her. i was a toddler when my auntie, who was also my baby-sitter then, raised me up to a young boy who knew how to pedal a 2 wheel-bike all owing to her patience and time. though we haven't contacted for years already, in my impression, she's a wonderful auntie and a mother to me in fact when i was young. and not to mention, she's a responsible mother to her own son too. she slogged her entire life all just to give her son a complete education. and now that he's a qualified doctor already, she can't even get to enjoy her fruits of labour.. where has all the justice gone to? the doctor said my auntie was diagnosed with breast cancer which had spread adversely and it was too late already.. why must this fukking happen to such a noble mother yet the criminals get scot-free and live longer..

maybe i should be more optimistic. i believe she's gonna get well and see her son's success in proud tears. she will. i will pray for her.

2004-08-08T01:45:00.000+08:00
Attended Zhang Shan Wei and Pan Wei Bo's concert. arrived late by like 15 min. well, the concert wasn't abt to start too afterall. Zhang Shan Wei (posing as strawberry fairy) later appeared on the big screen. it was really damn hilarous and he went "我就是美丽草莓丽仙子" in his 'strawberry fairy' accent. lol. that part was really off-the-cut, didn't expect him to actually present his other identity in the concert. not a good move there Shan Wei, but it sure brought xtreme laughter to the jittery crowd and every1 was like 'haha'- laughing their head off at his good sense of humour and the way he dressed. SEXY IS THE WORD. LOL "Da Shenggg yi diannnnnnn Ohhhhh, Da Jia Yi QI lieeeeee", he pronounced in his finely honed strawberry fairy accent before he screeeched like an insane woman. LOL. it was hella funny.. :D

i think. Pan Wei Bo stole most of the limelight with his naturally good-looks. i was located on the second level of arrangement, so it was pretty easy to tell who had more supporters. and obviously it was PWB. they kept screaming for his name, there were some titanium gals screaming "WO AI NI WEI BO" from the other end. it was so loud, likely from some fat *** basically, the entire crowd went ga-ga over him esp the part when he sang a love song.(forgot the song name) he cried at one point before he could complete the entire song and the gals behind me cried along too? they were sobering and calling PWB, telling him to 不要哭. -_- now i'm beginning to think if he's some telepathic magicician too. he cried and they followed. -woow- i would love to learn that spell too. heh.

Then there was the showcase of the two singers' photos. from when they were just babies till their career in music. as usual, the entire crowded screamed and cheered when their photos were displayed one by one. actually, they were having a non-serious most "handsome" and "Ugliest" competition. and Zhang Shan Wei's hair looked out-of-shape in one of the photos, supposingly taken when he was still a teen. once again, pan wei bo stole the limelight when handsome photos of him and zhang shan wei were shown. the whole crowd was cheering for PWB, PWB,PWB and more PWB.. wth -.-

Btw, Energy and Stella were guests of the night. in the mid. of the concert, they trolleyed out a huge bd cake with both PWB and ZSWs' names or smth engraved on it. it so happens dat ZSH's bd lies on the day of concert while PWB's a day eariler. Soon, after all the bd ceremony, Energy took to the stage and sang. the gals behind me kept shouting "牛奶,牛奶,牛奶..!!!" this time.
they are going to need gallons of throat syrup to pull thr the night. they screamed and fuking screamed like nobody's business and thought they could actually hear their whinny noises. even if they do, like they would even give a damn. . god so fukking irritating.

i left after Energy finished delicating their song.(not duh end of the concert yet) damn him lah.. totally ruined it.. fuk

2004-08-05T21:45:00.000+08:00
wasn't in the blogging mood for the past few days. or i was rather quite busy. anyway, there's four days of holiday to look forward to. and i mean 4 days! -woohoo- this is just the right time for a break and settle down on some stuffs i've been wanting to do. imagine 4 schooless days. no more fustrating a.maths sum, no more phy. & chem theories to memorise, no more worries for not-passing-up-hwks. basically, IM FREED FROM HELL TEMPORARY!!! (BTR DAN NTH RIGHT???!!!)
well, nothing much interesting occured today. badminton trg was cancelled so i went to qw to re-string my bro's bad. racket. or rather our racket* had soccer as usually and my ham.string has pretty much recovered, just havin' minor cramps. btw, tomorrow's the I&E carnival. can wear outside clothes but only limited to red or white. ( u-know-why-_-)
WARNING: Beware all teachers! we were told that teachers-can-be-dunked-at-a-cost. W00T SOUNDS A GREAT DEAL MAN -time to vent out some anger. hehh. well, no matter how huge the sum e teacher's asking for, it's all for charity right? and i heard dat to hit a particular teacher down, u need to folk out a 3 digit sum? hehs man, dun worry it's all for charity** we will definitely donate, or should i say, donate generously? -smirks-

2004-07-30T21:48:00.000+08:00
6.20pm

the final whistle sounded.
sprained my ankle.
ham.string screwed.
but it's all fine.
we were the proudest players ever,
at that very moment.
on that very field.
the indescribable feel of joy we shared.
no, we did not emerge as winners.
we were just elated for the champs.
the friendly faces
they were the ones whom we often played soccer with,
clinging to each other's shoulders,
we stood on the field and sang to our loudest decibel.
it was the most memorable draw i ever had.

3 cheers for the champs (3/4)
you guys were good.
not to forget our own team,
the very best of all.( haha)
yep, great job too.
we've done our best and were definitely proud of it.
Mugs Up

2004-07-28T20:56:00.000+08:00
worsen my ham.string injury today.
yet 4 more days left only.
4 more days before it's all over.
i can do no nothing,
i can't cross,
i can't pass,
i can do no nothing.
i can only sit by a corner & watch helplessly.
i was helpless.
fuk my useless ham.string.

it was a bloody close match..
0:1 isn't anywhere far from drawing.
the time was just too bloody short..
10 min half-time was short enough already,
because of time constraint,
it was shorten to 6 min.
4 min could make a hell-out-of difference.
4 min could make miracles happen
4 min could provide 240secs to score.
it would definitely make a difference.
where has all the justice gone to?
it's just too unfair.

gotta get my ham.string recovered asap.
no matter wutt.
not that i need to,
i just want to.
i want to do it with my team-mates.
i gotta recover.

2004-07-27T17:59:00.000+08:00
official kick-off of our skool's inter-class tournament starts tomorrow, yet i can't be training with my soc.mates. i can't do anything. my bloody right ~~kneel~~ hamstring injury. it hurts more whenever i try to lope a shot with my right leg. fuk, i feel so useless. obviously, my right ~~kneel~~ hamstring hasn't recovered from the tackle last fri. and today's practice made it worse, with all my strength devoted to my right leg, i thought i could handle the shoot-outs, but my hamstring started aching and swelling after a few tries. DAMN.. why is my useless right ~~kneel~~ hamstring taking so long TO HEAL??? at this state, i don't think i can even play as a substitute.

wutever my situation is now, god bless us that we will pull thr tomorrow, for we need all the morale and strength to survive against the two-year champion team.. bless us. will anyone answer my prayers? i really need the miracle tomorrow. dang..

2004-07-23T23:12:00.000+08:00
Cramp day.

went soccer at skool field with kev and people after skool. the untypical hot weather was melting me down with the feel of lethargy, sweat and more sweat. it was also the first time i was tripped so badly. the bloody tackle came for my legs instead of the ball. and i crashed. even my leg skin was not spared. i've got one huge ou-ba-kak(or wutever u pronounce it as) stitching out of it soon. this so unlikely of a soccer match anymore. it was all rough play with all the pushing and that. still, we managed to pull thr despite the tough-play and won the near-draw match. our rewards include pancakes of mud, soil and grass all over us. but i've got smth as an extra treat: bruises.. just glad that the whole-damn match was over.. it wasn't even meant to be a real match in the first place wth..

2004-07-22T21:37:00.000+08:00
Empty Lunch.

badminton training today at clementi stadium. Daniel and Alex were playing against supposingly fairfield bad. team gals. omg that lucky bast. curse him man. lol. neways i've no idea which side won. just settled down on a court and went ahead with my bad. training with jon & company. bad. ended at roughly 6. by the time, i was rushing for the water-cooler. ok i was walking there afterall.. not so exaggerating. went Mc with friends later, carrying 1 buck on me. obviously, 1 buck can't fetch me any good stuffs like an appetizing Mcfillet. ez-link card running low too.. wtf..

wutever la. crossing out lunch was terrible enuff alrdy. n if it wasn't terrible enuff, i couldn't be more unlucky than napping on a bus which was all bumpy and cranky thr-out-the-ride. my arms were like vibrating and i couldn't even get a proper nap..fuk. damn bus.. go change a new engine for hell's sake.

Ergh. gotta do some work now. i'm tired of rushing to skool during early morning and copying hwk evry day. i'm gonna start with a 10 min hwk schedule first and let's see how things work out. frankly speaking.. is 10 min more than enuff??? duh.

life's little lesson:
Always think of the worst before the best. lunchless kills rmb.

2004-07-20T20:25:00.000+08:00
lost my sense of motive now. obviously i'm bored duh.. or i won't be wasting my time blogging at this friggen time. i should be revising now. barely survived my last few tests.. . but hell, +1 doesn't make much diff anymore, so why bother. -1 won't save me least bit anyway.

well.. i have a song recommendation hre entitled: Raindrops keep falling on my head. yep guys out there who watched spiderman2 alrdy shd find it familiar. 'great' song ;)  Back to slacking...

2004-07-18T02:45:00.000+08:00
the time now is 2.32am. and here im,  being the weirdest person and havin nothing better to do, is gonna waste my time at the hours of owls, blogging instead of sleeping. i'm deranged. =/ whatever...

well to summarise my day, it's all basically about stuffs that happened at my grandmother's bd.. had lots of wine.. lots ~_~ (that probably explains my freakish attitude to thinking otherwise now)   wanderer, you have been warned. a disorientated guy is on the loose. hypnotised by the wine now, he could be insane. u'll never know. Ergh... i can't think well now.. head's spinning madly... i miss my bolster Z_Z...

2004-07-13T19:56:00.000+08:00
the 100 bucks is gone now. so worthless. maybe the 2 golden crust sheets could still fetch a few cents. oh well, doesn't matter anymore, i've tore it and threw it out the window already. nothing seems to be going well for me these days or is it just that i'm not fated to watch that damn movie.. hur? wtf, of all days, the screening had to be on a tuesday and which too happens to be MY BUSIEST DAY. SO MANY STUFFS TO DO YET SO LITTLE TIME MAN..zzz and not to mention that the last-few crucial project meetings which needed my presence for rehearsing the presentation. my turn up at 6pm-be-there was like totally impossible. i'm no superman. perhaps i made the right choice for not rushing over with a cab.. would probably be least interested watching it by myself too. bye 100 bucks..didn't know chewing an apple could be so hard and difficult to swallow.
fuk~~fukfuk~~

2004-07-11T12:52:00.000+08:00
finally wrapped up my new-look template by the wee hours. in fact, i've started only after midnight. but lazy to blog then. probably some temptation for coffee and unexplained blog-craze just got me into me. all the weird insiprations i get for putting thr the night. the senseless feel of tiredness. the mug of coffee i was holding. it actually gave me the starting point lol. COFFEE. SMELL? i'm growing weirder each day.hell. gotta seek mental help now. btw tuition really sux-real big time.. bloody hell

2004-07-04T20:38:00.000+08:00
not any particular interesting day, sleep,tuition,eat and soccer.that's abt it. but youth day hol tomorrow is some call for cheering though. during the early morning 1++, i was sitting at one corner, looking out my window and thinking hard. probably trying to knock some shit sense into me. i just seated there and stared. no idea how long i've been seating there. i was asking myself if tbere's any meaning behind fighting a losing battle, i would most probably end up getting wounded more and more. so yeah, kinda straightened out my thoughts now. u have my blessings. and i mean it.

~~FEEELS GOO:D.~~

2004-07-02T22:14:00.000+08:00
still in the midst of trying hard. almost there. hopefully i won't look back when i'm already on the ledge. ~~i may hesitate and head back again.~~ on second thoughts, it feels a stupid decision especially when she's alrdy.. whatever.

got a new sony ericsson handphone today. but that didn't really gave me the cheer-up. not unhappy with it but just lost the interest for hell sake. btw i've bought it with all my hard-earn savings. and i'm not aching over the cost, but wounded over someone. ~~[ i'm still climbing upwards and climbing...]~~

2004-07-01T23:55:00.000+08:00
my chest hurts. but i'm feeling alot worse inside. rid of joy, happiness and courage. the sense of hopelessness and the trigger of the broken glass is all i can feel and hear. The bucket of marbles has fell off from my hands. Shattered and fading away. from that moment onwards i was sure it's all over.

i've tried to forget you, but it seems i'm always bound to fail. but now i cannot deny the painful truth. i'm always asking myself why did god allow us to meet in the first place if there's no way we can be together? sometimes i just wish i were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. must it really be like a jigsaw puzzle? If the pieces don't fit, that's it and you move on? yeah..perhaps so... life goes on. there's so much things awaiting me to complete and i can't possibly be so selfish and stop there. be assured. i will try to forget you and hopefully if we get to meet next time, i would be saying 'hello friend' in the words of a truthful heart.

2004-06-28T21:13:00.000+08:00
A Smile

A Smile Costs Nothing,

but gives much.

It enriches those who receive

without making poorer those who give.

It takes but a moment

but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich and mighty that he can get along without it,

and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it.

A Smile creates happiness in the home,

fosters goodwill in business,

and is the countersign of friendship.

A smile brings rest to the weary,

cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,

and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,

for it is something that is of no value to anyone

until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile,

Give them one of yours,

as none needs a smile so much

as he who has no more to give.

-Keep on that sweet smile of yours forever. Strive to be happy.. :P
-To someone whom i care for-

2004-06-23T11:50:00.000+08:00
Afternoon frenzy

cycling day. cycled halfway. realised she's not in. search called off at 2pm. went lan gaming with friends instead. back to conduct search for *her again at 3 pm. realised she's still not in. this time were going along with plan: find her hse at least since we have already gone so far. cycled all the way to turf city. still couldn't locate her area. almost got lost in vanda area. the funny thing was no matter how we cycled we were still back to square1. from nygh board skool back to vanda again. and from eng neo area back to vanda again. kinda crossed the same path over and over again lol. sounds despo hmm? all i needed was just that one-glimpse and the little parcel to give her. and it ain't possible.

disappointed. finally found our way out. treated myself to gelativo(some sort of fat-free ice-cream) at estivo cafe. somewhere deep into shelford road. MILO AND MINT favour is bloody good. got myself 4 scoops. damn tired after more than 1hr of endless yet hopeless searching. not just about to give up there. not till i get the right path which leads me there..

2004-06-19T00:50:00.000+08:00
back from the world in 3 days. chalet was fun, ultra luxurious and ultra big compared to last year's one. the cost was abit out of hand, 50 bucks each X.= . ULTRA X/.

went wild wild wet and ended up with some serious sun-burn. couldn't really bathe for few days, skin's boiling hot. exactly like red. the chalet was overrall great, great accommodation, spacious and had great fun with friends. THX PPL for the hot-spot.RECOMMEND ME A HOTTER PLACE NXT TIME.:p ugh. getting sick of BBQS. drained my face entirely with smoke and tar. WOOO whose looking for the black man??

-Edited due to some misunderstandings
my apologies if there's any reading content that has offended anyone.

2004-06-07T19:32:00.000+08:00
Dead tiring day. slept at 1++ am, woke up at 7am. about 5hrs of sleep in all only. forced to do daily gym jog with dad. lasted about 35 min. was busted. and covered with sweat.

went to Queensway with a couple of friends to get my white shoes. yeah...finally able to choose at my desired place. my last experience with white shoes wasn't pleasant, none of em were to my liking. the running shoes..hell. went into the shop(AlternativeX) where i used to get my shoes. just as expected, great range of white shoes(Nike whoosh!"). finally found the shoe i've wanted within minutes. just love nike.

reached home abt 5++, went down for soccer. my lack of sleep soon cut in. the first half of the game was fine, didn't scored though, but managed to keep up well with defending. but not for long, i begin to feel tired during the second half. i wasn't able to catch up with my offensive player friend for once, he scored and i know it was my fault. though we were leading in the first half, we still lose out in the final half..sigh. i was partly blame for my slack in midfielding... just too tired and busted. yeah i.. need sleep, working again tml zzz. X.X

2004-06-04T22:41:00.000+08:00
more courses, more boring holidays. haven't even touched on my school work. i know i've to really start soon or won't be able to finish on time. but i was either going to skool or too tired to study after soccer.. man wuts the point.. got to work on Sat prolly again, no idea. maybe going out with friends, i would try postpone it to tuesday. working suck.. just not used to wear so formally, buttoned clothing, long khakis pants.. wth is wrong with wearing t-shirts hur?

Whole day of course, some shit course my teacher wanted me to participate. never liked courses. new technology moblie club..? pffts.. i don't even find interest working in a moblie retail.. wuts even a moblie club to me. all the game making JAVA programs, it's not as though ur gonna let us bring it back home and explore, wuts the point of learning then, give me 1-2 days, i would not hesitate give u a i-forgot answer. so much for more in-depth moblie application exposure, more of wasting my time.. -_-

2004-06-02T23:36:00.000+08:00
went takashimaya today. shopping ain't my type. went there only to get white shoes. my old ones were spoilt duh. if not for the vouchers my mom had, i would've preferred going queensway to get my shoes. neways orchard is as usually, crowded with shoppers everywhere. saw a perfect reebok shoes, a running one, going for 30% off. i went wow, man.. that's just the type i wanted, cool looking yet great running too. -_- but there were only silver and blue avaliable, i needed white hell. the more i look, the i felt that it was destined to be mine.too desirable. the feel of it just fitting into my rough feet would be unimaginable,too powerful to imagine. it would've fitted into me perfectly as one. wth im here to get white shoes not blue nor black, left it back at the shelves after glancing it for a long long time. was dying for it, but hell wut can i do. was here for a pair of white shoes Hell.

ended up buying nothing, lost interest in finding my pair of white shoes. gave up. settled in a rest with mom. food was deliciously nice. especially the chicken which it was famous for. guess. boarded a taxi after dinner, i didn't suggest it, mom did. slept throughout the long trip, could think of nothing but getting back home.. to a place where i could find peace and her

2004-05-30T23:55:00.000+08:00
tiring day for me. had to wake up at early morning 6.30. if you're wondering why, there's a West Coast Fun Race awaiting me..zz set-off at around 6.50 with a quick brush-up and change. man.. could have spent my precious time getting more sleep rather than standing idle at the bus-stop waiting for the damn bus to come. so much for being early, i reached there only to realise that the race has yet to start, but 2 hrs from then on. wtf..the application form was stated as saying: whoever is taking part, has to immediately arrive by 7.30.. now i've got 2 bloodly hrs by myself in the park doing wut i want,great i thought.. next time state the exact time the race's gonna start before u print out the application forms, you've wasted at least 1 whole,entire,long hour of my sleep u hell know that..? heh, but this time it wasn't so bad. there was a new mc & it's own cafe too. woosh, the mc house just look like some mordern japanese stype, nicely decorated, settled in with friends for a cup of ice milo. i was too attracted to the cozy place that i forgot the time. until my friend realised that we were almost late for the race. i realised that i had unknowningly spent like 1hr slurping up my milo in that big mc house. oh shit, how was i supposed to run with milo flooding my stomach. neways still did, completed the race, after trying to clinch on and not stop, but ended up getting stomach cramps.hell.

Hecked with the lucky draw, i went to Ginza to grab a bite with some friends. but ended up playing cs in a lan-shop instead. no idea how i was persuaded to playing, just did and played badly. i sux in cs. heh can't blame me.. i only knew 2 games in my life, thats gb and wc3..

went for tuition soon after. my maths was damn weak. no idea why, probably coes i don't practise as much. hell just give me a break from all the wicked calculations man..

had a soccer game as usual with my those bunch of neighbours. played only like 45 min coes i returned late from my sun tuition.

and there goes my entire sunday, busted and boring..

2004-05-28T19:46:00.000+08:00
the music seems to be dying out. life can be really enjoyable for a while and meaningless thereafter. i don't know how i wanted it to be, it just ain't the type of life i enjoy. everyday goes the same for me, all i could interpret is seeing shadows of myself walking in and out of classroom like a lifeless zombie. sometimes i don't even know why im doing all this, it just feels pointless now, esp when i have lost all my interest. but still i didn't possess enough courage to crush up all my worksheets and throw em in the bin. still, crushed one thou, folded it into an aeroplane before stuffing it into my bag. I don't live for the purpose of doing worksheets, sorry.

troubles again.. it never fails to return whenever i miss school. wasn't given an advanced notice that i had to submit my wkbk and files for checking on this fuked up day. i was absent so wut? still, geog teacher didn't even gave me any alternative routes: either go home to bring your stuffs or re-copy everything again. man it just wasn't possible to go home and come back again. tried to locate an easilest option from my teacher's one-way-solution. Seems that both solutions are equally evil. well, i could only choose to re-copy every single item again, starting from letter a. so much for being absent yesteday.. finally finished after spending two painstaking hrs, Mr Woo persuaded me to help him mark corrections. Alrite few files won't hurt i guess, so i agreed. Woosh.. it wasn't easy marking, my brain was almost busted marking that i lost track of time. That was when i yawned and noticed the wall clock in the humanities room. Oh shit. it was almost 5.15 already. i realised that i had unknowningly spent like 3 hrs doing marking and chatting with my ex-primary skool and now present teacher: Mr Woo. I went out for a refresher, arm leaning against the short horizontal bars, the whole campus was so silent, just few students were still playing bb. I watched blankly at them, shooting and passing, i didn't know that that few movements could actually make out a great game recognised world-wide.

Really dead-beaten and bored i felt, i requested Mr Woo for permission to leave. He was feeling bad enough already to have kept me for so long, he gave a thankful smile and soon i was on my way home. z.. probably gonna miss soccer with my friends later. just then, i felt a signal telling me that all i wanted now was just rest.. Hell

2004-05-27T17:04:00.000+08:00
Didn't went to school today. Yeah.. caught up with a bad flu and mild headache zz. Yesterday i was just joking with few friends about skipping school today and jumping in for a good swim at Jurong Swimming complex. It came true just that i'm sick now.. the irritating alarm clock made it worse.. kept sounding into my ears. wasn't least comforting at all to wake up early morning esp with a headache. could felt my head spinning already before i could even open my bleary eyes. couldn't think well.. it was too painful to. Kept hitting my forehead hoping that it could relieve some of my pain.. i was dumb it didn't.. Still i tried forcing myself to wake up, plenty of things to do today, so many files and worksheets yet to be compiled and passed up for checking shit. really a bad day to fall sick zz..hopefully the teachers won't call me up during the hols. knew i couldn't make it to skool..supposed to pay the 30 bucks latest by today for the chalet. won't blame me right people? i promise that i would come tomorrow no matter wut happens, been dragging it for few days alrdy sorry.. Yeah.. i really i have to come tml no matter wut arggh many things to complete zzz..

Shoke my lazy head, felt much better after a long sleep, the pain had much subsided doesn't hurt as much. sat on my bed staring blankly at my window, no idea how long i sat there, but it was definitely comfortable seating there by myself and not thinking abt anything. Turned to look at my clock,Man.. it was 11+ am already, i overslept. Got out of bed, walked to the living rm slowly, only to realise dat i was all alone at home..both my parents had went out alrdy. the maid wasn't in sight too.. muz have sneaked out zz breakfast time was over, i was alittle hungry.. perhaps the headache had killed my energy. Needed something replenishing. went to kitchen, made myself hot milo, hmm tastes exceptionally good, lyk haven't ate anything good for the few days. Ahhhh.. found my favourite breakfast on the kitchen table, baked pancakes! Oh yeah man must be my mom who had asked my maid to bake it, ur the best mom.. though it was cold alrdy, but mom's thoughtfulness makes it tastier than ever

Love son always

2004-05-26T18:29:00.000+08:00
Shit all the teachers.. SHIT EM ALL. Ok not all just shortpants hero.. wadeva that is, HE SUX. Already sadden by Mr Woo's decision to not give us a retest for SS..zzz Man, not all teachers are wut we familiarize as responsible teachers anymore. Ms Serene Lee just abandoned us with a short notice and like nobody's business.. all the files and retests that she had promised to update and give us ended up nothing but empty promises. Now that there would be no re-test for SS common test, heh im gonna just get a borderline pass for dat sub hell u know that??

Shit u irresponsible teachers. Still being sarcastic at the end of the day, " Just forget the past".. wtf it's the marks that affects me at the end of the day not you, fancy still irritating me with those sarcastic remarks. Hell man, i though SS was sad enough news already, who knows out came another unreasonable shortpants hero.. WTF, i merely asked Christopher about some things SOFTLY oh yeah softly only.. I won't complain if a lecture was splashed at me. WHY do u have to change my seating arrangement in class to like seat between two G.... Hell screw you..i don't see you doing that when you caught the rest talking. Picking on me eh? Wtf i tell you it's not funny and screw you for that. Just wait till i find the largest screwdiver u tintin

2004-05-24T23:59:00.000+08:00
Whatever... Checked grades. Done badly as usual, dropped at least 10 % compared to last year, obvious. Disturbing red marks. Hell leave me alone, the sore marks are already bad enough, whatever the hell there's a need to UNDERLINE IT SO BIG IN RED U DISCRIMINATOR *** u losers

Came to school with a heavy mood. Could have slept more but parents always disapprove. WTF it's after exams already i argued with them. Still, i always ended up going to school after the arguement. I was totally unhappy with all the threatening of banning me from going out if i missed skool. WTF all I needed was a short break from school but they just won't give it****. Lessons continued as usual, only 3/4 of the class was present. Same old thing everyday, sick of listening in class. Just the sight of books detests me. Page??? Wut again.. wasn't listening hell. Still i took the initiative to pretend listening, head's down, book covering my sleepy head. Moments later, that Mr Chan called my name.I looked up, haven't recovered from my sleepy state yet.. i went hur hur. Stood up neways and hinted Daniel to signal me the question. Luckily for me Suhaimi got the right ans..Briefly glanced through. Could tell Mr Chan was impatient already. Hell, just not my day, i need sleep zzz...

Expected...

2004-05-19T11:54:00.000+08:00
Knew it was all over from there on... Looked at the last page of the paper, saw a big red cross. Yeah this time it's really over. I flipped over my paper... 2 written as the first digit, w00t i didn't know that i had broke my "highest" record for the first time. Flunked. Totally. I tried to remain cheerful, but ended up smiling bitterly... its all over and im truly disappointed with myself. Who else could i blame for causing my pathetic state today?? It was all my fault, i didn't work hard enough. I admit. I'm no miracle boy, what can 1 day of only revising help afterall... i was stupid enough to actually thought that was sufficient.

It's all over anyway, nothing ever seems to matter much to me any more. Sinking myself into non-stop gaming is that all i could do to make me forget my unhappiness, even though it gets boring but i just wanted to brain-wash. Lost the mood for holiday, cancelled my appointment with friends to watch movie on Friday, it's meaningless to me now... Gaming non-stop is all i want to do, I JUST WANT TO FORGET EVERYHING.. *** JUST PLAY and stop reminding me that it's ruining my life, why would a guy with no-life care so much??? His life is already lost in the bottomless sea...

Rhythm of the melody

2004-05-18T20:34:00.000+08:00
The melody sounding into my mind repeatedly probably calmed me down and gave me time to think. I know it's inevitable. The execution starts tomorrow. Man, i hate to say it, but all the questions i have missed are bottling up me. I missed like a total of 10... never mind

So pissed with my own life, wasn't even delighted that exams are almost over. Felt like re-taking the papers again, i knew i could finish up somemore if i was given abit more time. Just that bit of time... Physics is definitely flunked... 10 qns gone, even my best subject among all... Chinese, missed out like 2 5 marks question. Hell, time is really important, just the few minutes could chalked up a big difference and i just needed that. Im not complaining over what had been done, it's just bottling me up and that i have to say it out. TOMORROW SUX. Just today and no tomorrow, life would be so blissful.. yeah so much blissful. Hopefully i still can close one eye and enjoy my June holidays when the pain comes. One thing's for sure, its gonna be hard pain for me.

Finally...

2004-05-17T05:37:00.000+08:00
Finally done with my new design.. could have completed it eariler if not of exams. Looking up, i can definitely see a brighter sky ahead of me now. exams are almost over. weeeeeeee with joy? zz exams may be over but results are gonna be out sn.. kinda sad
Hell, i just dreamt myself scoring straight As last night, hur As? YES straight As(u
gotta be kidding), but it isn't fake right? Ur right, stop contradicting urself, it's just a dream. -.- Wth...i woke up this morning only to realise pitch darkness. My dream of scoring straight As still whirling in my mind, i shoke my head several times and looked for my alarm clock. Around 5.30 AM. I was still smiling with contentment, heh straight As man what do you think??? After a while of motionless thinking, doesn't seem right. I started to figure out that it was all a dream ****, good one though..

Had my E Maths paper, quite ok, not easy nor hard just about there. Met Belinda and Shu Rong after exams, they all going to watch movie with jonathan at Lido -.-" Lido is like so "close" to my house. Neways i didn't gave them my going or not answer, wenthome straight. Thought again, Lido is like so far, had a twisted commotion with them on going to catch a movie in West Mall. Felt bad coes they waited for me but i told them in the last minute that i couldn't go. Heh im really sorry(apology note), but don't worry i will treat you guys drinks sometime hey. Im not that stingy alright, not plain water no worries hehe.